Peggy Jean Parker or The Question of Perfect Life
by chaotizitaet
Summary: Find out what perfect Peggy Jean Parker is missing in her perfect life and how she came to amend that state. Inspired by the countless MarySue stories
1. A Law is passed

Title: Peggy Jean Parker or The Question of a Perfect Life

**Title: Peggy Jean Parker or The Question of a Perfect Life**  
Rating: T (PG-12)  
Warning: MarySue, Parody  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my own ideas, which unfortunately excludes one Severus Snape.

**I. A Law is passed**  
Peggy Jean Parker was sitting in her tiny yet cozy kitchen on this fine, not to say perfect summer morning, enjoying a perfect cup of chai-latte – made with soy milk – when suddenly a headline in the international section of her wizarding newspaper caught her eye:  
"British Ministry of Magic passes Marriage law"  
The article further stated that any wizard or witch living in Britain who was off age and had finished their education were given one month to find a suitable match for themselves or would be assigned a spouse by the ministry after that time.  
Peggy Jean was delighted! This was just what she had been dreaming off – getting a husband without the troubles of dates and the endless excuses afterwards like "You are really nice and witty and everything, but well, you are not quite the kind of girl I am looking for" or even harsher "I would say that I am sorry if I were, but you are so perfect it is just annoying and I can't even stand the thought of spending another minute with you". As if it was her fault that she was as perfect as she was…  
However despite her perfect looks – flawless, milky complexion, soft, shiny, curly golden hair, pouty, rosy lips and lightblue eyes that looked like the sky in spring, not to mention her slim yet shapely, womanly figure – and her perfect marks at school, her life was missing something fundamentally to be really perfect and that was a mate. And now she was given the opportunity of gaining a partner to share her hereafter perfect life if only she moved to England.  
Singing a little song of joy to herself in such a sweet voice it made the birds outside stop to listen to her perfect harmonies and then join in with their own chirp, Peggy Jean started packing up her belongings.

**TBC...**


	2. Getting married

peggyjeanparkerfan101: Since this story was inspired by a little MarySue trip of mine (regardless of the fandom, but especially with Harry Potter), I think most of the people who have invented their perfect OC can find one or two things their character shares with Peggy Jean. Hopefully not more… xD

So on with the story, and no, Severus is still not mine, nor is the idea of a Marriage Law which is simply one of the all time Challenges for this fandom.

**II. Getting married**  
Twenty-four hours and three portkeys later Peggy Jean Parker found herself in the atrium of the British Ministry of Magic. Ordering her pygmy ridgeback to guard her trunk which held her minimized things, she stepped up to the reception to inquire after the Marriage-Assignement-Office. Taking the elevator three flights down she soon found herself in front of a closet-like yet well warded office. The wizard in front of the door – an auror according to the badge he was wearing –eyed her with a mixture of distrust and open awe as to her stunning appearance.  
"Excuse me, Sir", she said and it was as if there was some sweet jingle hidden in her voice, "is this the Marriage-Assignement-Office?"  
Dumbstruck the Auror simply nodded.  
"But why are you guarding it? Isn't marriage something wonderful? I think only terrible things should have to be guarded", Peggy Jean declared.  
Clearing his throat the guard said: "Well, the Marriage Law is not really popular, so to say. There have been serious threats to the marriage officer." Remembering his duty, he continued: "I hope you are not here to cause trouble, Miss?"  
Peggy Jean shook her head. "I am here to get a husband assigned." And with this she went past the guard into the office.  
The marriage officer – a bald, wiry wizard of uncertain age – was not less surprised on hearing that a stunning beauty such as Peggy Jean wished to be assigned a husband.  
"But surely there must be heaps of wizards out there who would marry someone like you without the formality and awkwardness of such a set-up marriage as this. I mean, heck, if I weren't already married myself, I definitely would apply for your hand."  
However, Peggy Jean was firm in her decision and insisted on being assigned someone, anyone, whoever. She didn't really care.  
So persuasive was she that the officer simply stared at her for a moment, but then almost flew to his cabinet to pull out one of the files. For it had just dawned him that this lovely witch could grant him his bonus he was getting paid if he was able to match up every single witch and wizard whose file ended up with him by the end of the first quarter. But with someone as unsocial and taciturn as Severus Snape, Potions' Master at Hogwarts, chances for coming up with a successful match for him were next to non-existant. Now however Peggy Jean seemed to be the solution to this problem.  
And really, without so much as a cursory glimpse at the profile of her future husband Miss Parker signed the marriage certificate which the unwilling spouse had signed in advance when the law was passed.  
"Congratulations Mrs Snape."

**TBC...**


	3. Meeting the Husband

KaitsSlytherin: As you can see, you didn't have to wait long for the next chapter.

As for ownership of all this… guess I can't keep Severus, even if I try to hide him under my bed… not that he would ever consent to such treatment. So okay, nothing mine that was invented by others.

**III. Meeting the husband**  
Retrieving her familiar and her luggage the newlywed stepped outside the Ministry. The officer had given her the address of her husbands current residence – Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. Looking around cautiously to make sure there was no one about Peggy Jean changed into her animagus-form. As always when she was in her phoenix-self she felt completely free and at peace with the world. Stretching her shimmery golden wings she grabbed her trunk while her pygmy rigdeback clung to her neck and off she went in the direction of Hogwarts.  
Traveling with the unique magic of a phoenix it didn't take her long to reach the remote northern spot that housed Hogsmeade and the breathtaking sight of Hogwarts castle. As she descended she noticed a wizend wizard waiting at the gate. Obviously the Ministry had sent word of her arrival.  
Touching the ground ever so gracefully, Peggy Jean shifted back to her stunning, normal human self. Shaking her golden locks back she apporached the wizard.  
"Ah, my dear, you certainly must be Peggy Jean Parker, or I should perhaps say Peggy Jean Snape", the old wizard chuckled, his eyes twinkling merrily. "Allow me to introduce myself: I am Albus Dumbledore, current Headmaster of Hogwarts."  
"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir", Peggy Jean replied, her own eyes sparkling with pure life.  
"Well, my dear, I think I should now take you to your husband, who has been looking forward to your arrival with impatience." He said, offering her his arm and leading her to the castle.  
For someone who had been looking forward to something with impatience, Severus Snape was amazingly calm, not to say annoyed at being disturbed at all.  
"I'll never understand why you supported this stupid law", the potions' master growled in the direction of Albus Dumbledore. "Or was it more like… initiated?"  
"My dear boy, how could I let you live such a solitary existence with good conscience?", the headmaster replied evenly. "Not to mention the countless souls who are now living in the blessed state of happy matrimony."  
The raised eyebrows indicated how much Severus doubted such a state of felicity. Then he sighed. "I guess since you are not alone that this is the person who is insane enough to marry me?", he asked, looking at Peggy Jean.  
Peggy Jean, who had been taking in his tall appearance and rich deep voice now stepped forward, waiting for him to adress her directly.  
"What? Are you mute, or something?" he inquired gruffly, muttering softly to himself: "Something I would definitely appreciate…"  
Peggy Jean heard him nontheless and decided to humour him. Smiling at him, she said: "I am not mute, but if you prefer the non-verbal communication…" And with this she raised her hands to greet him with the fluid movements of sign language, followed by stating her name which was made up of the signs 'golden' and 'aurora'.  
At which her husband groaned silently, rolled his eyes and prayed to whichever deity was listening for either relieve or patience.

**TBC...**


	4. Teaching the Elves

KaitsSlytherin: Yeah, I know, usually I like my Severus with a lot more snarky comments, too, but any further comment from him would have made the chapter too long compared with the others. Plus I think he decided that the annoying waving about of Peggy was not worthy an audible reply.

Megsy42: I don't like MarySues myself (with the exception of PotC, since there are not good female characters in the original story), which is exactly why I decided to write this parody. As for Snape killing her… Well, he hasn't seen Peggy Jean in all her glorious behaviour – yet.

Disclaimer: I guess since Polyjuice Potion belongs to JKR as well, I can't try to polyjuice one of my characters as Severus and keep the original? No? Well, so I own nothing that I did not invent in this story.

**IV. Teaching the Elves**  
Three days later Severus Snape still had problems adapting to the fact that his blessed privacy with all the comforts of a bachelor's life was now something belonging to the past. It wasn't so much the fact that Peggy Jean had insisted on brewing him some super-special shampoo – which of course he could have done himself, if only he had bothered – nor was it the fact that she actually had the nerve to annex half the space in his wardrobe to fill it with way too colourful robes of hers which annoyed him most about her presence. No, it was her habit of getting up with the first ray of sunlight. And since it was summer, the sun got up very, very, very, very, very early.  
He was currently lying in bed, his eyes closed, unwilling to open them because he was sure that whatever sight greeted him the moment he did, he was not going to like it. So he did his best to ignore the strange sounds coming from the adjoining sitting room, even though said noise was what had interrupted his peaceful slumber in the first place. But the longer he tried to ignore it, the more obtrusively it became up to the point where he could distinguish clearly his wife's tingling voice above the general noise. A noise which but a few moments later divided itself into the unmelodious caw of what appeared to be at least a dozen of house-elves.  
Fearing the worst – that his wife had the audacity to give the house-elves directions according a new decoration for his sitting room – he finally got up, put on his dressing-gown and went over to the door which seperated the bedroom from the noise.  
"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,  
Life is but a dream…  
Row, row, row your boat…  
And now the second group again."  
Upon seeing her husband entering the room, Peggy Jean got up from the floor where she had been kneeling, and smiled at him.  
"What, by Merlin, are you doing here?" he asked incredulously.  
"Teaching the house-elves how to sing a merry round", she answered, turning around to the elves: "And now, how about we sing this happy song for Severus?" Raising one hand she gave the signal and then conducted them all through the song at least five and a half rounds.  
Severus simply fled. He never had been a morning person to begin with, but to be woken by a croaking choir of house-elves bordered on torture.

**TBC...**


	5. Happily Ever After

A/N: Since I finally got flamed in the most classical way (no Mary Sue FF is complete without a flame), I thought it was high time to give any of the readers who is still interested the fifth and final chapter. It shows Severus the way I prefer to see him. So have fun.

Disclaimer: I still don't owe anything that JKR invented. And I definitely don't earn money with this story…

**V. Happily ever after**  
Exhaling the air with a sigh of pure relieve, Severus Snape, Potions' Master and inofficial hero of the late war against the evil Lord Voldemort, stepped down from the astronomy tower. At the base of the stairs Dumbledore awaited him, shaking his head disapprovingly.  
"Really, Severus, she was such a lovely witch."  
Severus simply raised one eyebrow. "You did not really expect me to spend the rest of my life with this annoyingly happy, oh-look-at-me-I-am-so-perfect creature? Honestly, Albus, I survived not only Voldemort but seven years of know-it-all Hermione Granger, the-boy-who-simply-refused-to-die Harry Potter and annoying-sidekick-hand-me-down Ronald Weasley all in one class, and you expected me not to come up with some solution for this situation?"  
"You didn't kill Peggy Jean, did you?" The Headmaster was slightly worried.  
"Only to have the ministry assign me another witch within thirty days? Over my dead body!" Severus shook his head. "No, I simply happened to come upon some very interesting journals in the potions' masters' archives in London. It seems like you were not the first one to cook up such a harebrained scheme called 'Marriage Law'." A satisfied smirk played about his mouth. "Using something similar to the Draught of the Living Death, the so called 'Lot-Potion' – which, by the way, is only known amongst Potions' Masters and no cure available, thank you – I turned my 'lovely' wife into a gargoyle. I suggest, the next time you take an inventory stroll through the castle you count the gargoyles very carefully. Perhaps you'll come up with a number of how often such an attempt of forced happiness via matrimony by law has already occurred since this school was founded."  
With this he left the Headmaster and went to his oncemore perfect, solitary life in the dungeons.

**NTBC** (since this is the end of the story)


End file.
